Untitled Document

UCSC; Psych 165; Tonay © V. Tonay 2008

Object Relations and Disorders of the Self

Disorder of the Self Relation to object Fears What triggers Ab. Dep. Mother

Exhibitionistic Narcissist: grandiose sense of self-importance, perfection fantasies, entitlement, hypersensitive to criticism, no genuine empathy Idealizes self; feels fused with the object (omnipotent- grandiose OR harsh- attacking)...must have grandiosity constantly shored up by perfect mirroring by O. This provides narcissistic supplies and belief that thoughts, feelings are identical. If not, devalues, writes off O. Indifferent to object. Emotional investment in own grandiosity. Self falling apart (when cannot maintain fused state with omnipotent, grandiose object) Self activation or O's failure to provide perfect mirroring Idealized child in order to shape child to meet own needs.

Closet Narcissist: depression, difficulty with self-assertion, clinging, anger difficulties, inadequate sense of self, denial of destructive behavior, hypersensitive to criticism, little empathy Devalues self; feels fused with the idealized object (omnipotent- grandiose), and then feels grandiose b/c O=self. Emotional investment in omnipotent O, vulnerable and dependent upon O (as long as O can be idealized). Self falling apart (when cannot continue to idealize the O) Self activation OR failure in the inability to idealize O and bask in the glow Attacked grandiosity and insisted child mirror mother.

Borderline: interpersonal chaos, unclear identity/merging with others, unstable emotions, impulsivity, fear of rejection, some empathy Struggles to feel and maintain connection; fears being left by O, clings to O. Alternately projects rewarding and withdrawing internalized Os. Abandonment Self activation Rewarded child for regression, withdrew in response to healthy self activation. Results in splitting into good (rewards for regression) and bad (withdraws) mom.

S relates to O

--feels omnipotence when needs are met (exhibitionistic narcissist is arrested here with no disillusionment; closet narcissist is arrested here as s/he withdraws/hides grandiosity b/c mother attacks it--in neither case is grandiosity modified by the below processes)

O is in the process of being found

--mother gently disillusions child which teaches child that s/he is a separate being (what I want I may not always get b/c there are others in the world who are not me)...child uses transitional Os to partially cope with rage, fear, and grief during this process

S destroys O (narcissists enact this with Os when adults, when the O fails to mirror or provide the ability to be idealized)

--(borderlines are arrested here, when the mother does not survive the destruction, but abandons the child through rage or abandonment/neglect/withdrawal)

O survives the destruction (i.e., doesn't retaliate)

S can use O to learn about the world/others outside the self

Disorder of the Self Therapeutic Interventions

Exhibitionist Narcissist Empathic mirroring of narcissistic vulnerability: interpret how feelings of vulnerability (no matter how brief) lead to feelings of disorganization (falling apart, emptiness), which lead to defense (devaluing, attacking, cutting off the O). Eventually interpret how self-activation or Os failure to provide perfect mirroring trigger the vulnerability. 'It seems that being criticized by your boss was so painful for you that you coped with that pain by planning revenge.' Never confront.

Closet Narcissist Empathic mirroring of narcissistic vulnerability: interpret how feelings of vulnerability (no matter how brief) lead to feelings of disorganization (falling apart, emptiness, shame, humiliation), which lead to defense (devaluing, attacking the self). Eventually interpret how self-activation or failure in the inability to idealize O trigger the vulnerability. 'I wonder if, when your teacher, of whom you think quite highly, made a racist slur, you suddenly realized that maybe he wasn't as special as you had at first thought. And that feeling was so painful, you began to blame yourself for having admired him in the first place--almost as if you, yourself, had made the slur.' Never confront.

Borderline Therapeutic confrontation: confront client when splitting Os into good/bad (withdrawing/rewarding part object units)--i.e., 'It strikes me how, last week, you felt I was the parent you never had, and this week, you believe I am out to destroy you.' 'Do you see how you seem to turn to others to tell you what to do instead of learning what you, yourself, are like?' 'Again and again you seem to go back to this man, despite the fact that he treats you so badly. What are you hoping for?' (Empathic mirroring tends to place the therapist in the rewarding/good mother position which stalls therapy.)

Disorder of the Self	Relation to object	Fears	What triggers Ab. Dep.	Mother
Exhibitionistic Narcissist: grandiose sense of self-importance, perfection fantasies, entitlement, hypersensitive to criticism, no genuine empathy	Idealizes self; feels fused with the object (omnipotent- grandiose OR harsh- attacking)...must have grandiosity constantly shored up by perfect mirroring by O. This provides narcissistic supplies and belief that thoughts, feelings are identical. If not, devalues, writes off O. Indifferent to object. Emotional investment in own grandiosity.	Self falling apart (when cannot maintain fused state with omnipotent, grandiose object)	Self activation or O's failure to provide perfect mirroring	Idealized child in order to shape child to meet own needs.
Closet Narcissist: depression, difficulty with self-assertion, clinging, anger difficulties, inadequate sense of self, denial of destructive behavior, hypersensitive to criticism, little empathy	Devalues self; feels fused with the idealized object (omnipotent- grandiose), and then feels grandiose b/c O=self. Emotional investment in omnipotent O, vulnerable and dependent upon O (as long as O can be idealized).	Self falling apart (when cannot continue to idealize the O)	Self activation OR failure in the inability to idealize O and bask in the glow	Attacked grandiosity and insisted child mirror mother.
Borderline: interpersonal chaos, unclear identity/merging with others, unstable emotions, impulsivity, fear of rejection, some empathy	Struggles to feel and maintain connection; fears being left by O, clings to O. Alternately projects rewarding and withdrawing internalized Os.	Abandonment	Self activation	Rewarded child for regression, withdrew in response to healthy self activation. Results in splitting into good (rewards for regression) and bad (withdraws) mom.

Disorder of the Self	Therapeutic Interventions
Exhibitionist Narcissist	Empathic mirroring of narcissistic vulnerability: interpret how feelings of vulnerability (no matter how brief) lead to feelings of disorganization (falling apart, emptiness), which lead to defense (devaluing, attacking, cutting off the O). Eventually interpret how self-activation or Os failure to provide perfect mirroring trigger the vulnerability. 'It seems that being criticized by your boss was so painful for you that you coped with that pain by planning revenge.' Never confront.
Closet Narcissist	Empathic mirroring of narcissistic vulnerability: interpret how feelings of vulnerability (no matter how brief) lead to feelings of disorganization (falling apart, emptiness, shame, humiliation), which lead to defense (devaluing, attacking the self). Eventually interpret how self-activation or failure in the inability to idealize O trigger the vulnerability. 'I wonder if, when your teacher, of whom you think quite highly, made a racist slur, you suddenly realized that maybe he wasn't as special as you had at first thought. And that feeling was so painful, you began to blame yourself for having admired him in the first place--almost as if you, yourself, had made the slur.' Never confront.
Borderline	Therapeutic confrontation: confront client when splitting Os into good/bad (withdrawing/rewarding part object units)--i.e., 'It strikes me how, last week, you felt I was the parent you never had, and this week, you believe I am out to destroy you.' 'Do you see how you seem to turn to others to tell you what to do instead of learning what you, yourself, are like?' 'Again and again you seem to go back to this man, despite the fact that he treats you so badly. What are you hoping for?' (Empathic mirroring tends to place the therapist in the rewarding/good mother position which stalls therapy.)